How to Be a Yes Man (even during quarantine)

Disclaimer: Spoilers for the movie “Yes Man” will be sprinkled throughout this article. Please watch this life-changing movie and then come back here for my personal analysis and experience I’ve had thanks to the film. Hope this movie will help you all out in this tumultuous and crazy time.

We are in a time of chaos. A time of uncertainty, stress, anxiety, and possibly loneliness depending on your living situation. We want to go outside and socialize but we’re supposed to be in quarantine, self-isolation, within the confines of our home. Many of us have more free time indoors than we can bare and are filling the gaps with TikTok videos and “documentaries” on big cats. I was one of those people, figuring out a mental escape from the terrifying Coronavirus and the lasting impact this pandemic will have on the world.

So I went to Netflix -as many of us do- and stumbled across a dated movie called Yes Man. Jim Carrey and Zoey Deschanel in one movie. I thought, “this will definitely be entertaining,” and clicked play.

The theme is simple: take full advantage of the opportunities ahead of you so long that they improve your life, make you happy, or positively impact you. However simple the overall theme is, I realized I did not live my life this way. This wasn’t a revelation that popped in my head immediately after the final credits rolled. It took deep self-reflection and brutal honesty with myself to accept the fact I was not living the life I wanted.

It seems silly to credit a movie that received 46% on Rotten Tomatoes as the inspiration behind your new life philosophy, but that’s exactly what happened. I live my best life thanks to a RomCom over a decade old.

But first, what is a yes man?

In the movie Yes Man, a yes man is described as someone who says yes to all opportunities (within reason). However, I want to tweak the definition just a tad. A yes man is not only someone who isn’t afraid of the unconventional. They are also someone who sees every failure as a new way to learn and every passion as a feasible pursuit.

I decided to be a yes man, and here’s how you can too (even in quarantine).

1.) Accept you are not a yes man (yet).

Although there are certain things I simply cannot do during quarantine, I found myself absconding from activities I was fully capable of trying because I was a “no” man.

From the beginning to about 30 min in the movie, Carl was the lamest character I’ve ever watched. He was boring, dreary, and lonely. Yet, it is he who is holding himself back from enjoying his life. His friends invited him out to bars, but it was Carl who stopped himself from enjoying his free time.

Carl’s boss Norman is an eccentric character who truly cared for his employees. He consistently went out of his way to invite Carl to parties, check up on his work, recommend him for a promotion, and overall make sure that he feels heard at the company. Rather than take full advantage of such a caring boss, Carl treats Norman as a pesky guest who doesn’t realize that the party was over two hours ago and is overstaying his welcome, but you can’t explicitly tell them to get out because that would create an uncomfortable environment, so you wait for them to get the clue by putting up the chips, washing the dishes, and repeatedly stating how tired you are.

But they are still sprawled on your couch watching reruns of Seinfield, using your home as their personal Airbnb.

Norman was annoying sure, but his kindness is glossed over. Many of us would kill to have a boss that compassionate. Carl takes his friends, his job, and his boss for granted.

But as much as I hated Carl 1.0, a part of me identified with his crummy personality.

As much as I wanted to hike or start a podcast or learn more about investing, I accepted that I can only walk a few miles without getting tired, I didn’t have the supplies to start a podcast, and - no matter the downtime this quarantine provided- no amount of time would be enough to learn about the stock market. I accepted defeat without fail. In fact, waving the white flag was my initial response.

Whenever an idea or hobby sparked inspiration I would push it aside and mark it off as “difficult” and sometimes even “impossible.”The activities my heart yearned for were things my brain shut off because it required a new skill set that I didn’t have (yet). So I wasted the time I could use to learn about mutual funds or how to start a podcast with countless episodes of The Office.

There is nothing wrong with binge-watching T.V if that’s what you want to spend your afternoons doing. But I recognized I wasn’t truly involved in the show. I had it on the background while scrolling through my Facebook feed. I wasn’t enjoying what I was doing; I was simply wasting time doing things that required minimal effort to avoid the FEAR of not succeeding in the things I actually wanted to pursue.

So the first step to becoming a yes man is to admit that you yourself are not a yes man… yet and to figure out what is stopping you.

1.5 What’s stopping you?

For me, it was fear. I found myself not attempting new things because I was scared of failure. However, this wasn’t out of laziness but out of misplaced anxiety. Sometimes anxiety or stress was my immediate reaction to trying something new. To avoid that feeling, I replaced my initial desire that required a new skill with another task that had a similar end result that didn’t push me out of my comfort zone. For example, to satisfy my need for a creative outlet during quarantine I started coloring. Easy. Gets the job done. But I wanted to pick up a mic, not a crayon.

After admitting to yourself what is holding you back from pursuing your dreams, you can then work on achieving them.

Because our fantasies are our realities in an excuse free world.

2.) Change Your Default

We need to build a “covenant” -if you will- with ourselves that we will take full advantage of the opportunities that come our way. The way to do that is to change our initial response to those opportunities.

Carl made the mistake of saying to yes to everything without thinking, like a child trying to obey their parent. He took the promise with the “universe” too literally when the goal of the covenant was to showcase all the opportunities, both trivial and life-changing, that encompassed his everyday life. His mindset, however, was the right way to go about this drastic lifestyle change.

I believe many of us are wired to say “no” to extracurriculars out of our character because it’s comfortable to deny ourselves that spontaneity or newness and stick with what we already know. But in order for our lives to change and for us to experience the beauty of surprises, we need to be more accepting of all types of changes. An easy way to do this is by changing your default.

Whether your reason for not pursuing your interests is out of fear like me or another reason, I believe changing your default is a universal solution to the little devil on your left shoulder saying you can’t do this.

Rather than allowing your brain default to '“no”, make “no” your new “yes.” Then, after thinking harder about the activity, person, or adventure you mentally said yes to, you can weigh the pros and cons and go through your typical analysis to see if this something you want to do/ can do.

Although this seems like such a simple change -as you can easily say no- the change in mindset is the determining factor in becoming an effective yes man.

Can you say no? Absolutely. Will you say no? That’s dependent on your new and improved way of thinking.

3.) Start Small

Carl learned a lot of new skills in a short time, from speaking fluent Korean to playing the guitar, to learning how to fly a plane. This, funnily enough, lead to government officials thinking he was a terrorist because no one else could possibly have the drive to learn all these skills so quickly.

Although I’m sure the reason for this scene was a way to tie in the double life Carl had with Allison in a comedic way, it also works as an important reminder to the audience to take this new approach to life slowly.

In the same way, Carl got in trouble for saying yes to everything, you too can get in trouble for saying yes to everything.

Burnout.

Remember in December of last year when you made your new year’s resolution list? You had a plethora of ideas on how to better yourself.

How many of those have you implemented?

I think the reason New Year’s Resolution lists are far too often abandoned is that we feel discouraged by the long list of changes we have to accomplish. And that’s why it’s important to not make a long list of things to say “yes” to but slowly accept a few important changes.

I’ve recently become more interested in sustainability and have been working on ways to minimize my carbon footprint. There is a multitude of ways to do this, composting, buying from environmentally conscious brands, recycling, thrifting etc. I will be the first to say I do not do all these things, and I don’t feel guilty about it. Although I could be doing all those activities, I know myself well enough to know committing to every aspect of sustainability will be too overwhelming. So I do my part by reusing grocery bags, bringing my fabric one whenever I can remember, limiting my purchases from companies that offer exceptionally cheap products at the expense of their employees, and going to thrift stores for my clothes when I can. I could do more but the point is to fit sustainability in your life so that you are conscious of the new habits you need to adopt but not so overwhelmed that you give up on your new interest.

Another topic I was interested in was investing, but I know I’m not going to become a daily trader overnight. I started off by reading about different types of retirement accounts and the pros and cons of each. (By the way, if you’re in your 20’s definitely pick a RothIRA.) I then picked the one I saw as best -RothIRA, no competition- and began an account.

And after reading about daily trading, I realized I don’t want to do that at all and decided no (you’re allowed to do that). I said “yes” to a more reasonable and manageable form of investing that taught me something new but didn’t stress me out excessively.

This goes for anything. Be aware that you are capable of following your passions but there’s no need to recklessly dive headfirst.

4.) Use Your Resources

Carl had to go to classes to learn Korean or hire someone to teach him a guitar. He didn’t have the resources that are available to you, right now in the comfort of your home.

This is arguably the best time to have a pandemic because we aren’t social distancing; we are physical distancing. You still have access to so much more than Carl ever did, and most of the resources you need to pursue your dream are at your fingertips.

I remember when I first started my website I had no clue where to start. I didn’t have any friends with a blog but eventually, I learned and built thenouryouknow.com. After a few years of writing and as my following grew, I received direct messages from people interested in starting a website. I gave them all the tips I could think of because I was so excited to share my interest with new people. Odds are you are following someone on Instagram or Facebook that knows the fundamentals of what you want to pursue. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for suggestions.

But be sure to be authentic and express true interest in their work before asking for favors.

This goes for professional interests as well. If I want to learn about a subject from a professor or someone who has acquired a lot of experience in the topic, then I am going to first showcase respect and admiration for their craft or knowledge…then ask for their help. It’s more respectful this way, and people will take your requests more seriously if you acknowledge the value they bring to the table.

If you are still uncomfortable messaging people for the basics then use youtube. I went to youtube and spent hours figuring out the design, layout, content, and SEO for my website. Watching tutorials by people who once were clueless is not only incredibly helpful but incredibly inspiring. You think to yourself, “Wow they learned how to do this on their own. I’m sure I can too.”

5.) Embrace Failure and Be Adaptable

Every spontaneous adventure or new pursuit Carl embraced almost always miraculously panned out. But it’s important to keep in mind one of the cons of spontaneity or being open to all types of opportunities is that many ideas or adventures will not have the legs to stand.

Because you are less guarded in what you pursue, failure is likely to happen more now than ever before. You need to be okay with that.

I remember about a year ago —before watching Yes Man— inviting my friends to a concert last minute. It was one of the only memories I have of myself being “spontaneous” in 2019. I once was someone who refused to park near shopping carts for fear the wind may blow them in the direction of my car and leave my Honda Accord with a gnarly scratch. I would also park 30 feet away from other drivers incase one happened to be terrible at reversing and end up hitting my bumper. This resulted in an exceptional amount of cardio when I went to Kroger and an excessive amount of overplanning that I found penetrating itself in other aspects of my life than just grocery shopping. At the time, inviting my friends to check out a concert by a band I’ve never heard of was VERY out of my comfort zone. Nevertheless, I sent the screenshot of the ad to my friends and waited for them to applaud my rare, impulsive decision.

Two hours later, one of my friends replied back with a zoomed-in screenshot of the same ad and highlighted the date at the top.

Posted 22 hours ago.

It was a little disappointing to know one of my first times trying to be spontaneous failed. I remember thinking to myself how foolish I was for not noticing the date passed.

But that’s the thing about impulsive decisions, the planning required to make sure everything does succeed is thrown out the window.

Flashforward to Nour in March 2020, after watching Yes Man. I am now the girl who, after a four-mile hike, decided to dive into a waterfall of 40 degrees. Is 40-degree water ideal? No. I planned on enjoying a relaxing dip in a moderately cool pool of water. But part of the beauty of the experience was that it wasn’t ideal, and that’s what it makes it a great story. I didn’t plan on being shoulder deep in hypothermia inducing water but I did, and that’s a memory I can take to the grave.

The key to loving your life and pursuing your passions is not waiting for the right moment to happen but having the right attitude to make the most of whatever happens. It sounds simple but I think many of us -including me- can attest that this quarantine is making us grumpy, stressed, and yearning for human interaction. Many of us have lost our jobs. And for those of us who are fortunate enough to work at home are likely dealing with cabin fever. I can tell you as an avid extrovert I am struggling to stay positive during the pandemic. But whenever I feel hopeless, I remind myself that I may have to so “no” to restaurants, bars, and friends. I can say “yes” to cooking a new recipe, learning something new, starting a podcast (available for listening now), reading a new book, and many more activities that provide me much more satisfaction than vegging out on a movie.