Twenty Two Lessons Before 22

22 is a weird age. You’ve officially been past the teens for 2 years now.

Some of you are married.

Some of you are not.

Some of you live with your parents.

Some of you are financially independent.

Some of you are in school.

Some of you are “non-graduate holding” success stories.

But there is something that ties all us 22-year-olds together, something that has no doubtedly hit you one morning as you sip on your Mango Black Tea and devour the sunny fried eggs you forgot to salt… because you’re only 22 and still learning how to season food.

We’ve all experienced an existential crisis by now.

What are we doing, where are we going, and what is this for?

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions but I do want to share my life lessons and stories to help you find your way. Because even though I also experience moments where I question my purpose, my existence, and my path, one thing is certain. I want to write and I want to help others.

I also love efficiency so here I am knocking two birds with one stone.

These are 22 lessons I learned before turning 22.

Lessons I Learned on How to be Happy

1.) You Aren’t Your Hobbies. They are Just You Right Now.

Last year I was a fitness enthusiast. I loved the gym and you would catch me there every day after my classes.

Then I had back surgery.

Nothing was more painful than losing weightlifting and boxing. I identified so strongly with these two hobbies that I felt I was losing part of my identity. Physical pain from back surgery alongside losing my two favorite pastimes left me feeling hopeless.

But in September, I used the free time to learn a very valuable skill, cooking.

October offered an opportunity to sing at local bars.

November nudged me into trying Yoga.

And December I decided to help others with their personal writing pursuits.

Hobbies are ways we choose to spend our free time but we should not give them the power to define us. Because just like the months change, so do we.

Our alternating states, whether good or bad, will introduce us to new opportunities that we never knew we had.

2.) You Were Only Scared of Dogs Because You Were Not Used to Them

Allow me to explain because I know I’m the minority here. I used to be terrified of animals to a point where it was debilitating to go outside with a pet in close proximity. I guess I could blame it on the fact I watched 6 hours of “Untamed and Uncut” on Animal Planet every day after school until about the age of 10. The show was basically a compilation of the most vicious animal attacks, and I watched it during the most formative years. From that point on, I was fearful of anything that wasn’t a plant or a human.

I was scared of animals for over two decades and everyone kindly acclimated, ensuring I was nowhere near their harmless siamese cats or black labs.

But this year, I befriended someone with a pet named Kosmo, a giant Australian Sheperd. Before entering her home I debriefed her on my self inflicted phobia. She understood but refused to fully accommodate, letting her dog roam free, chase me in her apartment, and jump on me. She only grabbed his collar if I begged her to.

And I have her to thank for changing my life.

Because my friend forced me to get comfortable with her massive pet, she’s released me from this unnatural and truly crippling fear.

I now get excited to see Kosmo, and although I still feel a tad uncomfortable when he licks my face or unexpectedly barks, it pales in comparison to how I reacted months ago.

So what can dog lovers learn from my story?

Some fears are truly genetic, and I am by no means saying all phobias can be overcome. But, I do believe many of our unnatural fears come from inexperience and can be resolved if we put in the effort to try.

We are capable of ameliorating our fears by pushing ourselves to face them.

3.) Use Lemon Pepper On Grilled Brussel Sprouts

Unassuming yet incredibly delicious.

4.) You’re Not Betraying Your Current Faith by Learning from Others.

One thing I find frustrating about the way many people interpret religion is the fact that it is this AND ONLY this.

Absolutes have rarely been proven true in our world. There are exceptions in almost any case you can think of. Yet, we use absolutism consistently in religion. Questioning is important. And it’s not a betrayal to our current God to hear out other faiths. I think He would be proud of us, for listening to other sides of the same coin.

I feel like I just tacked a “Coexist” bumper sticker on my forehead….

But more so than simply co-existing with people of different religious backgrounds, I think the key to feeling spiritually fulfilled is opening the door to learning FROM other denominations or faiths.

Not Learning about. Learning from. An important distinction to make.

You can pick up a book or scroll through Wikipedia pages and learn about Hinduism. That’s easy. But reading the Bhagavad Gita and learning from Arjuna’s dilemma will transform your life.

I wish it was more common to church hop or “worship center” hop. I recently started attending different faith-based centers and I find myself connecting more dots than I ever did when I engrossed myself in one Church.

Knowledge from faith, rather than submission to faith is what I believe is the ultimate creator of true believers.

And I think spiritual awakening comes when we recognize we can learn valuable lessons from religions that deviate from our own.

Except for Scientology.

5.) Buy Paper Flowers

If you’re an unintentional plant killer like me but want some color in your living space, I highly recommend purchasing paper flowers. You can purchase some beautiful handmade ones here.

6.) Appreciate Your Health

Something I think many of us, including myself, take for granted is our health. I remember before my back surgery waking up in pain, walking in pain, jumping to reach the Little Bites Brownies I put on the top shelf to stop myself from eating them that never worked, in pain.

But slowly after surgery, I felt my body healing itself. I could jump without shooting nerve pain, reaching those Little Bites Brownies and devouring them all in one sitting. :)

Health.

Every step I took from then was appreciated, cherished, and recognized for the blessing that it was.

It took me a painful experience to appreciate my health. But I don’t think a disastrous health condition or injury is necessary to appreciate your current health.

Just be thankful for it, make a conscious effort, right now.

7.) Be Aware of the Space Your Spending is Taking

It’s pretty common advice to tell someone, “be aware of your spending” or that “money adds up.”

But it wasn’t until this past year that I realized a very simple truth: Spending money on physical stuff means less space and more clutter.

It’s uber simple yet I don’t think many of us consider this as we grab that thing we were debating on buying that finally ended up on clearance. I used to be the coupon queen, only buying things when they ended on sale. And for years, I’d wake up at 5 am for an annual shopping spree on Black Friday.

Financially, this made a lot of sense, purchasing a lump sum during the biggest deals of the year. But the result was far from ideal, a ton of clothes and knickknacks that cluttered my apartment.

With flashing red signs and perfectly curated ads, it’s incredibly easy to lose track of spending. And when you measure your spending strictly on cost, you may find yourself in a pile of highly discounted purchases you regret. Sure, that video game or sweater isn’t your favorite but it’s 70% off!! You need it. It’d be crazy NOT to buy it. Right?

But, if you take into consideration that the video game is going to take up space in your entertainment room or that orange sweater means less space in your tight closet, you may reconsider buying them.

In short, factor square footage within your spending.

Don’t Apologize For

8.) Taking Up Room

“Excuse me” works just as well and doesn’t inadvertently demean your mere existence.

9.) Not Immediately Understanding a New Task at Work

It’s unfair to yourself to apologize for not knowing a brand new skill. “Sorry”s should be limited to mistakes you’ve made or not performing what is reasonably expected of you, not for skills you are currently learning/ being trained on.

10.) Food Allergies

I don’t have any but I see people do this at restaurants and it bothers me. It’s not your fault you’re allergic to dairy. Don’t apologize for asking the waiter/waitress to remove the cheese from the meal if your tongue will swell up otherwise.

But also, don’t be the vegan complaining to your local McDonald’s that they should be more inclusive.

Save Money & Live Better

11.) Shop at Aldi

12 pack ice cream bars for $2.50!!

The deals at Aldi are unbelievable. Its high-quality food for cheap because there are few “brand name” products.

And as someone who can tell the difference between Pepsi and CocaCola, the brands at Aldi taste just like the regular stuff.

Just bring a reusable bag with you and you’re golden.

12.) Use Coconut Oil instead of Canola

It’s better for you. But rather than sum up the science, I’ll link it here. It’s a Harvard study, not Buzzfeed.

13.) Thrift

There are three main reasons I love thrifting. The obvious one is it’s cheap. The second reason is everything is super unique and as close to one of a kind as you can possibly get. But, something not everyone may think of, is thrift shopping can actually help you discover your fashion sense.

There are no fancy ads or pushy salespeople telling you what’s on-trend. You’re in a pretty dingy building with terrible fluorescent lighting and you’re on your own to pick whatever piques your interest. I enjoy challenging myself and picking obscure pieces to style with the basics I currently have. It almost feels like a game: try and style this bright purple sweater without looking like Barney or this bright red trenchcoat and not be mistaken for an extra on “The Handmaid’s Tale”.

If you’re into fashion like I am, I highly recommend doing both Earth and yourself a favor and shopping at your local thrift store.

Lessons I Learned in Relationships

Notorious Red Flag Quotes

Before considering dating, make sure your future partner has not said any of the following. If they have, please run before you get emotionally invested. I speak from personal experience, unfortunately.

14) I don’t like posting photos of my relationships.

(but they’re active on social media)

PSA: They’re probably hiding all their previous relationships from their friends and family and will do the exact same to you. Commitment issues hinder this person from being a good match, run.

15.) “All my ex’s are crazy.”

A tell-tale sign that the individual who said this drove all his exes crazy, run.

16.) “The left is crazy.”

Thinking in absolutes is a bad sign, run.

17.) “The right is crazy.”

Refer to above, and run.

For the Beginning

18.) Make sure Lifestyles Roughly Line Up Before Making it Official

If they want to spend every second bouldering and you prefer to spend your weekends curled up watching reruns of Seinfeld, it may not be a match made in heaven.

Also, consider whether or not your spiritual lives are compatible. I don’t think couples necessarily have to have the same faiths but I do think it’s important to be understanding of the similarities and differences, accepting them as opportunities to grow versus obstacles that cause distance.

For the Middle

19.) Don’t Quit Dating

Relationships work because both people put in the effort to keep the magic alive. Don’t stop surprising. Don’t stop appreciating. Don’t stop dating.

20.) Don’t Neglect Your Friends

When you’re in love, it’s very easy to abandon your friends for one that can take you on romantic dinners and strolls through the park. But I urge you not to do this.

Quite honestly, I’m pretty good at balancing my friends and my relationships (when I’m in one). So, I’m giving this information as an individual on the outside whose seen her friends do this time and time again. Once that friend is single, you’re back to being their number one. But as soon as she/he finds a beau, you’re no longer invited to Tuesday Trivia Nights or Sunday Night Bowling.

Instead of isolating your friends from your relationship, include them! Although it won’t be the same dynamic as you and your partner being alone, it’s still a grand time and it creates healthy boundaries.

Another pro to inviting your friends out with your partner is you can see how they interact with one another, perhaps noticing positive -or negative- traits you wouldn’t have in a more romantic setting.

For the End

21.) Disinterest is Closure

I was watching a snippet of a Dr. Phil episode as one does when they scroll down their recommended Youtube video. In this episode, Dr. Phil interviewed a girl who has been “ghosted” 9 times. He brought in a “dating expert” to provide her advice. I did not expect anything substantial from this self-proclaimed master at relationships, but I was pleasantly surprised.

“Disinterest is closure,” he said.

If someone is not responding to you or acting distant, that in itself is the closure you need to move on. I think this can apply to many of us. A conversation about why the relationship ended is nice but it’s also not necessary. And many of our partners don’t really provide an opportunity to speak about the relationship after it’s over. You’re either the giver, the one who pours all their energy into making sure things stay on good terms or the shutter, the one who wants to close the book on the relationship, romantic and platonic.

And odds are there is one shutter and one giver in each relationship, two different coping mechanisms that are by no means compatible.

So for the givers out there, rather than beg and plead your ex for a chance to explain what went wrong, save your time and energy for someone who will never leave your side no matter what. You.

22.) Accept You Won’t Always Leave Them with a Good Impression

Odds are your ex is not going to be a huge fan of you after breaking up.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we will not be remembered for our wit, intelligence, or charisma. Sometimes we’ll be remembered by our weakest moments like when we desperately called our ex at five o clock in the morning or the 5-page long text we sent after seeing them for the first time after the split.

We can’t be remembered perfectly by everyone we meet and to try to be perfect for everyone is a suicide mission.

But their impression of you by no means changes who you truly are. I’ve learned it’s important to let go of your ex’s distorted image of you because it’s not an accurate representation of yourself.

The “you” at the end, the stressed, angered, somber, upset version is not “you”. It was you in a moment of time. And that time is gone. They may remember you for your worst because that’s the last thing they saw.

But don’t waste your precious time reminding them of your best.

And there you have it, 22 life lessons from yours truly. Hope my past experiences can positively impact your future ones.