The Goal

It’s not what you think.

Before I start this segment, I want to make it clear that I will not be the girl to doodle hearts around bible quotes.

I am beyond perplexed by the Bible so I will not be writing in it anytime soon, let alone outlining the quotes with vacant hearts like a middle school girl does with the last name of the boy she has a crush on in her 5th grade math class.

The Bible sometimes just seems to be like a game of “telephone“ that’s been going on for far too many centuries.

I started this endeavor back in 2017, angry at our (possible) creator. I held hatred in my heart and I realized that this hatred for God was only hurting one person, me.

So the motto I have now is,

“If you can’t fight them, join them.”

Not exactly the most inspirational quote out there.

It’s no “Live, Laugh, Love” am I right, everyone?

Typically, I refrain from this mentality of joining those who I disagree with as I feel it promotes giving up when the times get tough.

But this is different.

Because the entity I was fighting so hard against has no hands to sock me with.

no legs to kick me with.

I was fighting a battle where the only end result was a perpetual cycle of knockout rounds with me landing flat on my face.

But as I say this I must clarify…

I am not documenting my experience to confirm what Christians already believe.

And my “goal” is not to become Christian either.

The ultimate goal from attending Christian related events, interviewing believers, and challenging my current beliefs is to try and develop an intimate connection with God.

I used to use agnostic as a placeholder as I wasn’t really sure what I wanted, if I cared to spend my time looking for something that may not even be there. But as I continued to search, I recognized I am no longer indifferent to His existence. I long to find Him, to grow with Him, to trust in Him but I can’t do that simply based on the accounts of others which is why I’m going through the thicket that is my spiritual journey.

So rather than an agnostic, I’m a seeker. I seek for a relationship with Him and I hope that by recording the heart wrenching and heartwarming experiences I have when getting to know Him and his followers that I can encourage others to seek for themselves,

Now I know here is where a Christian blogger would typically post some bible quote about seeking the Lord. But I know from personal experience those interested in searching could be turned off by any possible endeavor if I was to start quoting verses that they can’t relate to.

So I’m not going to google a Bible quote that someone probably used as an Instagram caption to describe the Tuesday afternoon sunset, at least not for a while. I’m not there yet and I don’t plan on pretending that I am.

I am not here to indoctrinate you in a religion I, myself, have not committed to yet. There are plenty of Christian bloggers out there who strive to help others find Jesus.

And that’s a noble feat but it’s not mine.

In fact, the articles under “Spiritual Journey” are not featured on my home page for a reason. Back when I was still questioning, I encountered those who truly helped me with my personal obstacles and those who far surpassed the fine line of pushing the envelope . If you want to read my posts, they’re there. But I only want those who are genuinely interested in seeking or developing their current spiritual relationship to view these.

So seek for updates to this segment as I seek to find God.

(Also because the template I chose does not allow me to feature posts from different pages but wasn’t that such a good cover up wow.)

Ultimately, my goal with this section is to curate meaningful content using both my personal frustrations and positive experiences with God, Christians, and the world around me. And I plan to use debate, philosophy, spiritual experiences, yoga, even food to achieve this.

There will be poems, interviews, and articles all written with the intent of motivating others to question.

Because, as my ACT tutor from high school told me, knowing the question is half the answer.

Who knew how true that would live up to be?